I was at downtown East chalet for the whole day yesterday and reached home at around 0010. I had so much fun,thank you. The 'birthday surprise' was disastrous. Luckily,I ran and hid somewhere. neh neh ni poo poo. The Si Hui and Pauline so dumb:P,kidding la. I was so scared that I screamed thrice if I can recall. At the last scream,I quickly ran! It was so dark and I closed my eyes shut. I wouldn't know what would happen and it was so unsafe. Pamela tricked us that she bought a 'big big' present from China for us,so we had to close our eyes if not we'll see the present. SO LAME LA. I saw the backpack you carried back from China,so obvious inside were all your clothes. Si Hui guessed as much what would happen. SMART. They threw flour and water bags at us! So disgusting la! Flour with water,on our T-shirts!!How disgusting. I didn't dare to bathe alone and I asked Pamela to accompany,not to see me bathe of course. She waited outside. Time to clean up and go home! At first,I was too frightened to go home because I thought of what my father told me that morning. I told JinHui about it. So,he and Pamela sent me home. I was quite hesitant when JinHui offered to send me home. Who knows what he would do. My heart raced even when Pamela and JinHui was with me. Finally,I reached home. It was quite eerie even when I went into the house.

I finally received the missed calls and I stared blankly at the air. I thought about a myriad of things. It all started with somebody lingering at my corridor to the people I love to death. Scary as it may seem for the last word of the previous sentence. I have thought of that for a million times. I was thinking if somebody I loved very much unfortunately passed away,what would I do and what would she/he do. I would certainly hope that she/he will linger around for a few days before leaving,or the best is FOREVER,through eternity. That,of course,wouldn't happen. I felt like breaking down. I wanna show my love to them,to all I love,to all whom deserve my love,hugs and kisses. I wanna love them as sincerely as I could. EGO,is the huge impeder. As I thought of showing love to them,my brother was awake,using the computer. My parents and uncle were asleep. I felt like saying 'I love you' to him,but I just COULDN'T! I wanna let all the people who deserve my love,most importantly,my mother,to know that I love them. But,my ego impeded me from showing my love to them. I want them to know that it's difficult for egoistic people like me to say 'I love you'. I will really try. Very hard. I don't want to say 'I love you' to them when they are on their death bed. By then,it would all be too late.Too much,too late.

The person that I wanna say 'I love you' to,most urgently is my mother. She's already in menopause stage! She's aging! Considering what she has done to bring me and my brother up,celebrating our birthdays,buying presents for us,bringing us out,worrying for us every moment after school at her workplace. I seriously don't wanna hurt her anymore. I wanna talk to her nicely,patiently,say 'I love you' to her everyday. Every night,I help her massage her back,I felt the urge to say those words to her. I wanted to tell her,"Don't worry,I'll do well for my exams,I'll take good care of my brother,my father and my uncle.And I will also take very good care of you. I will be someone who contributes to the society in future. I will not become a 社会败类。 I will not let you down. I will not let anybody down." I just don't have the determination and courage to do so! Everyday,I procrastinate. There'll always be a tomorrow for me. Maybe. I'm too optimistic. I must live like there's no tomorrow. Maybe someday when I have a critical,incurable disease,then I will say 'I love you' to the people I love. 人总是在失去后，才懂得珍惜。 Must is be like that?

I don't wanna procrastinate anymore. I don't have the determination to declare to the whole world,"I SHALL NOT PROCRASTINATE!!!!!!"