不知所措，无能为力。 怎么办？

Well,1 more week till the start of Mid-Year exam. The glory of getting quite a number of As still remained in my mind. However,the thought of degradation occurred to me as well. I shall not continue to deceive myself. Yes, I admit I have high expectations for myself. I admit I mourn when I don't get what I had expected,which I shouldn't. I really think I'm gonna screw up for the upcoming major exam before the prelims in August. Similar to last year,I had thought I would screw up,but look what happened in the end. But Sophia's not gonna be very lucky each year. With the change in teacher,absenteeism of teachers,will I get the same result? Miss Sunarti just intimidated me by asking the whole class,in the presence of yours truly," So,who can beat out top student,Sophia?"
And after that,she asked me,"Sophia,can remain on top or not?" How intimidating and daunting. I've thought it through. Top or last,doesn't matter. As long as I reached my goal for this coming mid-year,I bet I'll be the happiest weirdo in the whole wide world. I seriously despice Miss Sunarti's way of motivating us,by telling us how good 4G is performing. So? so what? This is just the beginning of the year. I believe my class though seemingly doubting,will pull through the odds,if only they shut up and listen and do nothing else during lesson. I seem to be angered by those people. I realised something. I really like the lifes of Seng Huat and my brother. Seng Huat is my classmate. I was sitting beside him on thursday since Jerrold wasn't at his seat,and we talked. I asked him what he did when he's at home,after school,etc etc. He really does know how to joke,but,I'm so sorry,in a lowly humoured way. You know why I liked their lifes? Because IT'S TOO CAREFREE. My brother,what he does after school is to go somewhere before coming home. When he reaches home,he would dump his bag aside,head for the bathroom,come into the room(where I would be studying) on the switches needed for the running of the computer and switch on the computer,after which he will dine while waiting for the computer to load. My computer is pentium 1,you see. Super 'fast'and 'time-saving' After dinner,he would stick his butt to the chair,infront of the computer,and when my dad finishes watching 10 O'clock news on channel 8,asked my brother to switch off ths computer. His dreams will start to hallucinate him. The next morning he would head on to school,and I suppose sleep in class or get into trouble with his teachers.How nice his life is. Play,computer and sleep after school. HOW FULFILLING.But I guess,his attitude in class has been changing. who knows? I wasn't with him 24/7.

I know I always rant about how tired and busy my life is. But there is this one person whom I give my utmost respect and admiration to,my third aunt. She came to my place when my mom was in China and whenever she came we would always talk. :) Apparently,there ain't any age gaps between us. Well,I didn't feel it. She worked really really hard,as a CLEANER. It's not some low-class jobs. Unless someone fills the low-class job,there wouldn't be high-class jobs. so,STOP DISCRIMINATING CLEANERS. They have their pride and dignity. And we OUGHT TO treat them with respect. My third aunt is a petite size woman with a magnanimous heart. She baby-sitted me when I was younger. Thus,I'm very grateful to her. She wakes up at 5 or 6 every morning to reach the workplace at Raffles place,at around 7+. Oh,and she lives near me,4 blocks away. From 7+ she worked till 12,and 12 till 7. You may think it's home sweet home for her. Yes,it seems,but she still has household chores to do! When she reaches home,it would be around 8+,wow,she has been out for about 11 hours. She would then need to do the ironing,washing,cleaning all by herself! She ranted to me that sometimes she had to do until 1 AM! Just imagine how a mid-forties lady manage to just sleep 4 or 5 hours everyday! So,what I'm trying to say is. We have all the time in the world. You may choose to go out after school,enjoy,party do whatever shit you wanna do. But when you get home,do what is right,so that burning the mid night oil wouldn't be necessary. The workload wouldn't proliferate if you manage your time well. In my opinion,sometimes if we don't manage our time well,we would need to sacrifice our sleep a little. But remember my petite little auntie! 4-5 hours of sleep! a CLEANER! what about us? 6-10 hours of sleep? student-go to school,sit and pay attention! So easy! I can say it's effortless on our body,but for a cleaner....!WAKE UP YOUR IDEAS,men.
=>Procrastination is the THIEF of time.
Stop procrastinating! Be vigilant to the ambushing thief! No more 'tomorrow laaaaa!'

It's very difficult to say "I love you". Especially to my parents. When my darling started saying "I love you,mummy" to me,it made me think. Why is it so easy for some people to say "I love you,while I find it a challenge? I think I did say I love you to some people or maybe not,I cleaned forgotten already. "I love you" has no deep meanings for me,previously. But now it does. I used to think,well,if I love you,I wouldn't need to say "I love you". So what if I said " I love you"? Does that mean I really love you? That were what I thought,immature and somehow makes a little bit of sense and logic. When I say "I love you",of course I love you. I ain't a hypocrite who just says I love you just because it's nice hearing it or saying it. But it's particularly difficult for me to say "I love you" to particulary you. I realised, "I love you" has many meanings behind it. It depends on how you interpret and infer from it and also not forgetting the person who said it.

I really don't like it when people hide their problems from me. Yes, it's none of my business,the more I'm oblivious of it,the better. NO,to me. I wanna know. Happiness shared is double,sorrow shared is divided. When you're at loss,I didn't know what to do.

You're not the only one who's at loss,feeling stress. So stop putting the blame on every one else except you. Healthy stress are beneficial. :) It keeps the adrenalin pumping in our body.

I've never blogged so long in ages. It's 15 minutes to 3AM. I've also not stayed up this late to use the computer in aeons.

English-depends
Chinese-我尽量。..
Math-I don't know
Comb. Sci-a glimmer of hope
Comb. humans-I try my very best.
POA-well,anything can happen.

I'm depressed. Why? Because of my high expectations. I know I've been continuously ranting about it. It is because nobody's telling me what to do. DON'T tell me to "relax laaahhh,take it easy." That's NEVER gonna help. I shall see a psychiatrist if I harbour thoughts of suicide.

you know..? you don't know,I tell you then you'll know. (.....sounds familiar,darling?) HAHA! well,my sec 2 chinese teacher,who is currently now my darling and my darling's brother's chinese teacher, was surprised that I was promoted to chinese express. :) I think she regretted not promoting me to chinese express in sec 2 when she realised this afternoon at my oral examination I'm in the chinese express stream . heh heh kidding.

I'm jealous. I need lesser vinegar. I don't like this feeling.

I went back for CCA today to teach .. :) and,maybe to discipline them? ; D
It was nice? ahhhhhh don't think I can go back after the mid-year exams. wu lao shi would be doing intense revision and intense cheonging for the O levels mother tongue paper 2.

What do you want in life? I wanna be a bus-captain. :) I hope there would be a new bus company instead of SBS Transit.

I shall watch doraemon tomorrow morning and breakfast,and sectionals.

Next week shall be intense cheonging for mid-year.

I shall leave you with a quote which I've gotten from Haziq,no,actually some quotes,but I shall give you only 1,subsequently,more,so do visit my blog more frequently though I won't be updating.... alright,it's 3:08AM! woah...

Many people lose the small joys in hope for the big happiness.
-Pearl Si Buck